


Through the Glass Brightly

by nosmokingpistol



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gun Violence, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 06:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13496280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosmokingpistol/pseuds/nosmokingpistol
Summary: Ten II (Donovan) stayed in the TARDIS and is traveling with the Doctor and Donna. As he finds his own identity emerging Donovan finds himself in conflict with the Doctor's memories and his own humanity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The (Doppler) Duppy Effect](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3204722) by [Basmathgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basmathgirl/pseuds/Basmathgirl). 



> Although this series could stand alone, it lives in the wonderful Basmathgirl's AU from "The (Doppler) Duppy Effect". It's fabulous, and sets the stage for this series. Read it and swoon!

**Prologue**

"What's for supper, I'm starved!" The Doctor loped into the galley after a long afternoon spent under the console, smelling vaguely of engine oil and ozone. Donna stood at the counter frosting cupcakes and he encircled her waist with one arm whilst reaching the other around to snag a treat. He received a smart slap on the hand for his effort.

"Oi! Not until dessert! And those hands are filthy, Mister!" She leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek. "The stroganoff won't be out for awhile. You've time for a nice hot shower if you'd like."

The Doctor grinned and waggled his eyebrows before drawing her closer. "Tell you what. Put the timer on and join me." He nibbled her neck before tickling her ear with his tongue. "I'll make it worth your while!" Donna giggled and gave him a playful push.

"Nah, you go on. I want to have a talk with Van. He's spent the whole day holed up in the library again. I'm worried about him. I think something's wrong."

The Doctor pulled away and leaned back on the counter. "Donna, I've told you. He's been practising the Gallifreyan T'Or'La meditations. And he's making great progress, he says he's almost completely suppressed the empathic parts of his sexuality."

"And then what?"

"And then what what? He'll carry on like the rest of us without all of that reflected desire muddying the waters." He smirked. "Speaking of desire…" He drew Donna into another embrace and she responded in kind, matching his deepening kisses with soft moans and sighs. They broke the kiss only when Van burst loudly into the room.

"I thought maybe we could have a game of—Oh! Sorry." He was gone as quickly as he came, and Donna gestured at the empty doorway.

"See what I mean? He can't bear to be in the same room with us if we're as much as holding hands! You say those meditations are supposed to help him, but it's been weeks, Doctor, and he seems more miserable by the day!"

The Doctor frowned as he registered the barely-shielded waves of emotion coming from the other man. "You're right, Donna. There is something disturbing him. I don't think it has anything to do with us, though, at least not directly."

Donna sighed. "All the same, I'm going to see if he'll talk to me about it." She placed one last kiss on the Doctor's cheek and sent him off for his shower before going in search of Donovan.

*** *** ***

As Donna had suspected Donovan was once again in the library, curled up at one end of the long leather sofa with a tapestry pillow clutched tightly to his chest. He looked up and smiled as she entered the room but there was no denying there was sadness in his eyes. "That stroganoff smells marvelous, is it almost done? I got caught up in the meditations and haven't eaten since breakfast. I hope you've made enough for seconds!"

Donna snorted at that. "With you two about? I've learned to make thirds, thank you very much!" She sat next to the man she considered her brother and smiled gently at him as she carded the long fringe back off of his face. "Long overdue for a haircut I'd say."

"Am I? Only I've never had to…I mean he doesn't need to…" His hands twisted in the pillow until his knuckles were white. "I need a haircut, yes." He choked on the words and Donna moved her hand down to squeeze his shoulder.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I'm not a Time Lord. I look like the Doctor, talk like him, I have his memories but physiologically…" he leaned in conspiratorially "I'm human."

"Well of course you are! We've known from the start that physically you're human like me."

"It's disgusting!"

"Oi!" She pushed at his shoulder and sat back, glaring at him. "Don't disrespect the species!"

"I'm sorry! But in my head—in my memories—I don't need haircuts. He doesn't need to sleep; he sleeps because he likes it, especially…well, especially with you. But I need it! Hours wasted being unconscious, it's insane! I fell asleep last night reading that book I borrowed from you. It's a perfectly good book and I fell asleep before chapter three!"

His expression was so indignant that Donna had to laugh. "There's nothing wrong with that, love, everyone does that from time to time!"

"He doesn't! Don't you see? I have no memories of haircuts or falling asleep against my will! And bodily functions! The first time I passed gas I spent an hour searching my room, I thought a mouse must have died under a cupboard! And the solid waste elimination process--it's horrifying! Intellectually I know what's happening, of course, perfectly natural in the lesser species, but –"

"Yeah. You're disrespecting again!" He mumbled an apology and Donna reached out to take his hand. He gripped it as if it were a lifeline. "Seriously, Van, what's really bothering you? Is it the T'Or'La? Isn't it working?"

"On the contrary, it's doing exactly what it's intended to do. It's enabling me to strip away all of the reflections of how others feel and focus only on myself. My own thoughts, my own desires—and not just in terms of being an empasexual."

"But that's good isn't it? I mean isn't that the point of it all?"

"Except that I've got over nine hundred years of his memories in my head, and barely nine weeks of my own. All of his preferences and prejudices shaped by all of those terrible and wonderful experiences over so long a time are a part of my thought processes. They're not a reflection I can disallow. Strip away the mirror, Donna, and it's like looking through glass etched with the notions of the Doctor."

"And what do you see?" Donna felt a wave of sadness and insecurity coming from Van.

"I see myself. I see how wrong I am."

"Sweetheart! You must know—"

"I like pears! And that's wrong! I don't like bananas—wrong! I need sleep, I need a haircut, I need to shave, I hate wearing specs—all wrong! Every night, Donna…every night I lie in bed in the dark and the quiet and I hear my single heart beating and it's wrong!"

Donna enfolded him in her arms and he reciprocated. "Oh, Van, you wonderful silly git! You're not wrong! In fact you're practically perfect! After all you got the best bits of both of us, didn't you?"

Van had to smile at that. "Oh, I don't know. My hair refuses to defy gravity and my chest is rather flat!"

"Stop it you!" Donna cupped his cheek and looked earnestly into his huge brown eyes. "You know, don't you? You know how special you are to us?"

"Yeah, I do" he replied, grateful for the ability to read her unguarded feelings and know she spoke the truth. Yet even as he said the words that other voice echoed in his head: Wrong!

*** *** ***

The Doctor and Van raved over Donna's stroganoff and insisted on doing the dishes whilst she took a leisurely stroll in the rose garden. Afterwards they settled in for a long game of Monopoly until both Donna and Van began yawning and begged off for bed. The Doctor of course crowed that by default he had won the game and for once they were both too tired to argue the point.

Van retired to his rooms and after a quick shower crawled into bed to tackle Donna's Poldark novel. He really was enjoying it. He could hardly be blamed if he pictured the roguish hero with twinkling blue eyes, a long coat and a slightly wicked grin! Despite his best efforts he was asleep before the end of chapter five.

In his dreams he stood at a window and told the hero he was wrong. But when he tried to look through the glass it had turned into a mirror and only his own reflection looked back at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donovan (Ten II) develops his sense of self, and realizes his true feelings for Captain Jack. The Doctor and Donna would like to start a family.

Van was sitting in the galley, engrossed in his novel and eating his second bowl of porridge when the Doctor strolled in with a cheery "Good morning!"

"G'Morning Doctor!" He gestured in the general direction of the counter, his eyes still on the page before him. "I made you banana muffins. They're still warm from the oven and…" His voice trailed off as the Doctor pointedly placed a pear on the table in front of him and continued on to the counter. Van inwardly cringed. "She told you."

The Doctor didn't respond immediately. He poured a cup of tea and helped himself to a muffin before sitting down opposite Van. He sipped his tea and studied the other man for a moment. "That…" he exclaimed as he grabbed the novel out of Van's hands, pulled a face, and tossed it over his left shoulder. …is just wrong!" He pushed the pear closer to Van. "This is quite literally a matter of taste. And the fact that I believe wearing brainy specs only enhances my inherent good looks is a matter of opinion!" The Doctor leaned closer and cocked an eyebrow. "Do. You. Get. My. Point?" He clicked his teeth for added emphasis.

"You don't like romance novels?" Van replied with a smirk.

The Doctor scrubbed his hand over his face and muttered only partially under his breath. "Oh, the cheek—you didn't get that from my side of the family!"

Van chuckled. "I appreciate the sentiment, Doctor."

"Appreciating it isn't enough, Brother. You need to believe it. The longer you exist the more you'll develop your own tastes and opinions. That doesn't make you wrong, it just makes you an individual." 

"An individual with nine hundred years of your memories in my head!"

"Eventually the T'Or'La will help you sublimate them. The more life experience you have the easier it will become. The feeling that somehow you're wrong will eventually fade away as you discover more about the man you really are."

Van nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I just don't want to make that discovery alone."

The Doctor snorted at that. "Alone? You're not alone, you've got us. And the TARDIS."

"It's not the same." Van noted the Doctor's quizzical look and addressed it. "You had Rose."

The Doctor's face darkened and his tone was a clear warning. "Stop it."

"You said it yourself, Doctor. I was born in battle just like you were before you met Rose. She helped you. You were so angry and bitter and sad and she made you better."

The Doctor's expression softened and he chewed a piece of muffin, deep in thought. "She opened my eyes, yes. She showed me I was a better man than I thought I was. Martha did too. But Donna…" He gave a little shrug and concentrated on his muffin. Van could read the love and gratitude roiling through the Doctor's mind.

"She was the one who opened your hearts, wasn't she? Donna didn't put you on a pedestal. She saw the best of you and the worst of you. She held you accountable and she loved you anyway. She showed you that in spite of everything you'd done you were worthy of love, and capable of loving someone else."

The Doctor nodded his head slowly and his voice was husky with emotion. "Yes."

"Doesn't everyone deserve as much? Doesn't someone who's wrong deserve to be loved as well?" It was a challenge as much as a plea. 

"Don't be ridiculous, everyone deserves to be loved" the Doctor snapped impatiently. "And I've told you, you're not wrong you're just—" He looked Van in the eyes and caught a flash of emotion, a sense of someone else, and understood. "Oh!" He stood abruptly and busied himself making another cup of tea. "You're not ….No! It's not the same!"

Van slammed his hand on the table and stood. "It's exactly the same!"

The Doctor kept his back to Van. He didn't speak, but Van heard one word echo in his head: Wrong. Van was furious. "Don't you dare! You're the one who's wrong Doctor." 

The Doctor whirled to face him. "You can't read the timelines. You can't see him for what he really is!"

"You're the one who can't see him!" Van walked over to the Doctor and looked into his eyes. He wasn't surprised at what he saw there. His voice was quiet and measured. "You don't want to see because you're afraid to face the truth about what you've done to him." 

With that he turned and walked out of the room. 

*** *** ***

The TARDIS' pool was cool and soothing as Van swam lap after lap, back and forth. Gradually the hypnotic rhythm eased the tension from his body and allowed his frustration to dissipate. He understood the Doctor. He had memories of how it felt when the Doctor was near Jack, the panic and the mental anguish that a fixed point bending and twisting the timelines caused in the Time Lord. He also knew that to some extent the Doctor was sorry for abandoning Jack on the Game Station. None of that excused how badly he had treated the Captain since then.

His pace slowed and he flipped a turn only to find the Doctor wearing trunks and standing on the deck at the end of the next lane. He swam steadily on and stopped briefly at the end of his lane. The two men exchanged a look. Van gave a slight nod and as he turned the Doctor dove in and matched his stroke. They swam in perfect synchronization, lap after lap until at last Van tired and pulled himself up onto the deck. The Doctor joined him and the two men sat for awhile in silence before the Doctor spoke.

"What do you see, Van? When you look at Jack, what do you see?"

"I see a man who made himself a better man by your example. I see a man who fought off a room full of Daleks with a pistol to save you." Van looked at the Doctor, his expression hard. "You showed your gratitude by abandoning him on that station full of corpses."

The Doctor's mouth was set into a grim line. "You don't need to remind me. I was there."

"He was afraid and alone. He waited for hundreds of years to find you again so he could ask you what he had done that was so terrible you would leave him behind. You told him you ran away from him because you couldn't stand looking at him. Because he was wrong. You called him a thing, an impossible thing. Do you have any idea how much that hurt him? I've looked into his mind, Doctor. It broke his heart. And he forgave you for it."

Van glared at the Doctor, stared him down until the Doctor broke eye contact and turned his head away. Oh, no you don't! Van thought. You're going to face this once and for all.

"He loved you so much he was tortured to death every day on the Valiant to keep the Master distracted from you. He watched you weep over the body of his torturer, but you never wept for Jack. You never even thanked him."

The Doctor stared into the depths of the pool. "No. I didn't. Never could."

Van smiled gently. "I look at Jack, and I see a better man than I am--because he forgave you for that, too." The Doctor swallowed hard and Van put a comforting hand on his back. 

"I have your memories of watching that monitor day after day. I know what you felt. I know it made you feel angry and guilty and helpless." Van chucked softly. "I know so many things, Doctor, about you. But I will never understand how you couldn't love that man."

The Doctor looked at him. "And you do?" 

"I look at the Captain and I see a man with such a capacity for love, and compassion and forgiveness it takes my breath away. I see his bravery and his strength and his self- sacrifice and it humbles me." He smiled. "Remember when he kissed you and Rose, and told you both that you were worth dying for? I want to be the one worth living for." 

The Doctor laughed at that. "You've been reading too many of Donna's romance novels!"

"Yeah, I suppose I have." Van's smile faded. It's just that…"

"What?"

"I don't know if he could ever see me for myself. Love me for myself. I don't think he'll ever stop trying to win your approval long enough to even notice me. And I'm sorry, Doctor, but I resent you for that. You didn't deserve him." He sighed wistfully. "Maybe I'm enough like you that I don't deserve him either. I don't know. But I'd like the chance to find out someday."

The Doctor wrapped his arms around his brother and drew him close. He placed a soft kiss on his temple and nestled his cheek in the other man's hair as he sent him a wave of love that was returned in kind. "Oh, Donovan Noble. There is so much of Donna in you! You talk about Jack's capacity for love and compassion but you can't see it in yourself can you? If Jack doesn't notice how beautiful you are, if he doesn't fall in love with you—then he's a fool."

Van snorted. "A fool with a really great arse!"

"Really? I hadn't noticed!" 

"Liar!" Van sighed. "It doesn't really matter I suppose. Jack's with Ianto."

The Doctor gave him an extra squeeze. "Well. You never know what the future holds. People change."

Van nodded. He could only hope!

*** *** ***

Donna was still chatting on the phone to Martha when the Doctor walked into their bedroom. They had already been talking before he'd left for the pool! He peeled off his trunks, hung them on the rack to dry and wrapped a towel around himself, grabbing another for his hair. As he re-entered the bedroom Donna was just ringing off. 

"Hi, Spaceman. Did you and Van work things out?"

"Yeah." The Doctor laughed. "Our little brother is growing up! He's really developing a sense of self. There's bound to be differences of opinion. And I was right—he is in love with Jack. Now that he's able to suppress my feelings towards the Captain his own have surfaced."

Donna patted the bed beside her and he sat. She took the towel from him and began drying his hair. "I don't know if I like that! You've always painted Jack as a bit of a cad. I don't want him breaking Van's heart!"

The Doctor smiled ruefully. "About that—I may not have been totally objective. Actually I may have been quite unfair. In his own way I suppose Jack is …well…"

"Gorgeous? Heroic? Magnificent? All of the above?" The look Donna got from the Doctor was priceless! 

"Moving on! You were on the phone an awfully long time, is everything all right? Is Martha okay?" 

"Oh, she's fine, just a lot of gossip, you know." She frowned. "The wedding's off."

"What, her and Tom? What did he do? Where is he, I like to have a chat with him!"

"Yeah, that would be helpful I'm sure! Only it was Martha who called it off, a few weeks ago apparently."

"What happened?"

Donna shrugged. "Tom decided he wanted to stay in Africa and open a clinic there. He wanted Martha to join him, but she turned him down. It's not the life she wants. She figures if she doesn't love him enough to follow him anywhere, she doesn't love him enough to marry him. And vice-versa of course. I get that."

"Yeah." The Doctor grinned crookedly and stole a quick kiss. "You followed me anywhere!"

"Yes I did!" Donna kissed him back. "Besides, it sounds like Mickey's taking her mind off her troubles."

"Mickey! Really?" He sniffed. "I suppose she could do worse. How's her family doing?"

Donna hooted. "Wait'll you hear this! Clive asked Francine to marry him again, and tried to palm off the same ring he'd given Annalise! He told Francine he asked for it back because it was worth a fortune and he thought Francine deserved it. Martha said she was furious!"

"I can imagine!" He rubbed his chin absently. "Poor Clive!"

"Oi!" Donna gave him a playful nudge and finger combed his hair. "Torchwood has some big new project they're working on. It's still top secret but they need extra help with it so I said we'd be glad to stop by and see what we could do. Jack even recruited Tish! Martha says she's doing a great job. Oh, and she's dating Ianto!"

"I thought he and Jack were serious!" The Doctor shifted Donna onto his lap and she snuggled close. 

"I guess they were, for awhile. Gwen told Martha that Ianto really wanted more of a domestic situation, you know--kids, house, that sort of thing. I guess it was just time to move on and find someone who wants to make that type of a long term commitment."

"Hmm. That certainly presents an opportunity for Van! Now--speaking of kids…" He licked her neck and peppered her face with kisses before resting his forehead against hers. "I believe, Donna Noble, that you are ovulating!" His voice became low and husky. "Shall we try again?"

Donna wrapped her arms around his neck and murmured "Yes Doctor Noble!". She doubted she'd ever get used to the Doctor evaluating her hormone levels by tasting her. That was one skill the Metacrisis had not left her with and she was glad of it!

The way he was currently tasting her lips, however…and her shoulder…and her throat…and…Oh! That was just delicious!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time travelers head to Torchwood, where Donovan is reacquainted with handsome Jack Harkness. Can Jack put aside his feelings for the Doctor and see Donovan as an individual?

The Doctor beamed with pride as Donna patted soil around her latest seedling. Her expertise in horticulture now rivaled his own, and she had become adept at cross-species hybridization. He looked around at the eco-pods she had created in one of the agricultural habitats. "This is amazing, Donna. You are amazing. Your work with these fruits and vegetables could save billions from starvation across the whole wide Universe!"

Donna laughed at that. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves Spaceman! I may be partial but I'd like to concentrate on my own planet first!" She wiped a stray lock of hair away from her face, leaving a streak of dirt behind. The Doctor thought it was adorable. "This is just the first phase. I need to create some new flowering plants to bring the bees back as well."

"Well," he said as he leaned in to place a tender kiss on her clean cheek "on behalf of hungry children everywhere, I thank you. Oh, I know! After we're finished at Torchwood we can go to Melissa Majoria. I could negotiate a new immigration treaty with the bees." Donna shot him a skeptical look and he was affronted. "What? I speak bee! And before you go pointing fingers Reverend Golightly didn't speak wasp, he was raised in an orphanage, remember?"

The whoosh of air from the hydraulic door signaled Donovan's arrival. He was smiling as he approached them. "Good morning! I've finished re-calibrating the fuel processors. That should eliminate the Rift energy byproducts more efficiently and allow for more flow into the capacitors as well!"

"Brilliant! I wish I'd thought of that, it would have…" The Doctor peered more closely at his brother. "Your…your sideburns are gone! And your hair, it's gone all…all soft!" He swiped a hand across his brother's chin. "You've got stubble! Donna, he's got stubble!"

Donovan shrugged. "I've discovered I don't like sidies. Or a lot of hair product--yecch! Besides, I've decided I like it a bit longer, although it could use some styling." It was obvious the Doctor was scandalised at this news.

Donna patted his arm and giggled. "It's called the scruffy look, Doctor. I like it Van! It reminds me of Aidan Turner!"

The Doctor pulled a face at that. "Aidan what, Aidan who?" 

"He's an actor you prawn—and a sexy one at that!" She noticed his pout and murmured in his ear. "Don't worry, love, he's got nothing on you."

Donovan chuckled at their exchange. "Quite right too! Now if you two don't mind, could we stop at the High Street before we head on to Torchwood? I'd like to see about my hair and then head over to Henrick's for some new clothes."

The Doctor glared at his brother. Donovan looked down at his blue suit. "I…erm…I don't much care for pinstripes, either!"

The Doctor, for once, was speechless.

*** *** ***

After a morning of shopping and errands on the High Street followed by a leisurely lunch at McGuinn's the TARDIS arrived at the Rift and began the refueling process. Van stayed behind and ran some preliminary diagnostics whilst the Doctor and Donna walked across the Plass and rode the hidden lift down into the Torchwood Hub. Everyone but Jack was waiting and they were greeted with hugs and hand shakes all around. The Doctor reserved his warmest embrace for Martha.

"Oh, hello you! You look fantastic, molto bene!" He drew back and studied her face carefully. "You look happy. It's good to see."

"I am, Doctor. The family is doing well, I love having Tish here, and Mickey---well, he's been wonderful." As if on cue Mickey Smith appeared at Martha's side.

"Hiya Boss!" He bumped knuckles with the Doctor. "Did Martha tell you this new project is her idea?"

"No she did not! Now I'm really intrigued, when do we get to see it?"

"As soon as Jack gets here. He had a rough time rounding up some Weevils." Martha's expression darkened a bit. "He needed to clean up." She brightened again as Donovan entered the room and she ran off to greet him. The Doctor looked grimly at Mickey.

"Died again?"

"Yeah. A grenade. It was messy, and Martha…well she feels pretty helpless when it happens. We all do. I suppose it's 'cause we're over-emotional humans, right?" He clapped the Doctor on the shoulder before leaving to join the others gathered around Van. "We can't just shrug it off like you do Doctor, can we?" The Doctor frowned. Was that what he'd done? Really?

*** *** ***

“Hello, beautiful!” Jack boomed out his greeting as he trotted down the stairs and made a beeline for Donna. He enveloped her in a bear hug. “Good to see you, Red. Thanks for coming.”

“Happy to help out. Besides, Gwen promised me some seeds and cuttings from your alien arboretum.” The Captain licked the corner of his lips and winked.

“Watch out for that Gallusian Groping Bush—I trained it myself!”

“Stop it!” the Doctor barked as Donna bit back a laugh. Jack let Donna go and gave his customary brief salute.

“Doctor.”

“Captain.” The Doctor returned the gesture. "You're looking well."

"And you! Hey Doc, wait until you…" Jack's attention drifted to Donovan, who stood smiling off to the side. Jack's eyebrows rose and his mouth opened a little in surprise as he looked from the tips of the other man's black Gibsons, up past the slim fit black denims and light grey Henley tee, to the softly tousled hair. He quickly composed himself and walked over, extending his hand somewhat formally.

"Donovan! I was hoping you'd come, we can use your help with the electronics on this project." As they shook hands Donovan was somewhat disappointed. He had hoped for a warmer welcome from Jack but he seemed to be all business.

"My pleasure, Jack." There was an awkward silence. Donovan had expected Jack to make his usual cheeky comment—he'd certainly baited the hook-- but instead the Captain spun on his heel and strode briskly towards the door.

"All right everyone. Follow me."

*** *** ***

"But that's...that's a Sontaran transmat!" The Doctor finger-combed his hair back and circled the unit. "What the hell is it doing here?"

"UNIT appropriated it from the Rattigan Academy." Martha opened a portfolio of schematics and genome sequences mapped onto a grid. "Torchwood appropriated it from UNIT. Don't ask!" She chuckled as the Doctor's eyebrow raised and he smirked in return. "We're going to reconfigure it into a genome-specific capture device. Blowfish, Weevils, whatever alien species we can program into it."

"To what purpose?" The Doctor didn't bother to hide his concern. After all, on this planet he was considered an alien as well.

Jack leaned grim-faced against the near wall, arms crossed. "I'm tired of dying. I'm tired of watching members of my team get clobbered." He pushed off and joined Martha next to the machine. "And I'm tired of finding what's left of the good citizens of Cardiff after they've already become something's dinner."

Martha handed the Doctor one of the schematic grids. Donna and Donovan stood at his side and they followed along as she spoke. "We want to tie it in with the Rift analyzer so we can do a genome scan as soon as there's a spike in activity. Identify the species, lock on, and transport them directly into a holding cell before anyone gets hurt."

"Would that include humans?" Donna asked.

"We'd like to" Martha responded. "Not every human who falls through the Rift is harmless. They could be anything from a plague carrier to a sociopath, or even an armed Centurian. But we wouldn't have enough specificity to isolate the visitors from the population at large."

"You could program individual sequences into it though." Donovan took the schematic from the Doctor and gestured as he spoke. "If you double the relay loop here, you could have specific individuals programmed into the transmat, and have co-dependant remote devices as well."

"Van that's brilliant!" the Doctor was grinning but Jack and Martha looked puzzled. "Every member of the Torchwood team would have their own individual coding and a remote" he explained. "If they get into trouble they could transport themselves back here into a designated area."

"Or," Van continued "if they were injured, restrained, or otherwise unable to activate their individual unit it could be done remotely from here." 

"You're right, that is brilliant!" Jack smiled at Van briefly before turning his attention to Donna. "Could those botanical genetics programs of yours be modified?"

"Easily!" Donna thought for a moment. "In fact, it wouldn't take me long to create a new custom interface for you—that way you could use the rest of the genetics data bank as well. The TARDIS has thousands of genomes on file."

Martha was grinning from ear to ear and rubbed her hands together in anticipation. "All right then. Let's get started!" As the group dispersed and began to attend to their individual tasks Jack lagged behind and caught Donovan by the arm.

"A word?" he asked quietly. Van nodded. "Look, I want to apologise." As Van began to protest Jack held up a hand to silence him and continued. "I took advantage of you. You're an empasexual and you looked like him, and for so long I…I've wanted…" The Captain shook his head and when he looked at Van again his expression had hardened. "I'm sorry. It should never have happened. It'll never happen again." He turned and walked quickly away, leaving a shocked and saddened Donovan behind.

*** *** ***

The Captain maintained a professional distance when he was with Donovan, and it became obvious to everyone that there was some sort of underlying tension between them. Donovan, for the most part, resigned himself to the fact that Jack was not interested in him and still had feelings for the Doctor. It saddened him but he did his best to hide it and respect the other man's wishes. The Doctor and Donna, however, could telepathically sense his distress and knew that despite his best intentions he was falling even more in love with the handsome Jack.

Jack became unusually subdued. He couldn't help but notice Donovan's ready wit, kind heart, and good natured attitude. He found himself liking Donovan more and more as the days wore on and there was no denying he was physically attracted to him as well. There was a casual ease about his lanky frame and a more affectionate attitude about him that distinguished him from his Time Lord brother. Yet Jack had vowed to himself he would not use Donovan as a sexual surrogate for his fantasies about the Doctor. The man deserved far better than that.

Work on the transmat progressed as planned and by the end of the first week the final design and programming schematics had been completed. As promised Donna had created a user interface and the Doctor had uploaded the TARDIS genome files into it. Donovan and Jack had led the rest of the crew in design and electronics for the holding areas and remotes. On the last day Ianto and Tish invited everyone over to their flat for a party to celebrate the end of phase one. As the TARDIS team would be leaving in the morning it would also serve as a thank you and farewell to them.

*** *** ***

"Nibbles! Tish, you remembered!" The Doctor stuffed a crab puff into his mouth and chewed as he perused the tray of hors d'oeurvres. Tish giggled at that and offered the tray to Donna.

"Of course, Doctor! You made quite an impression the first time we met."

"He has a habit of doing that." Jack sidled up to them, drink in hand. "So—how do you two like Torchwood's newest investment?"

"It's lovely!" Donna looked around the tastefully appointed salon. "Trish said this was an old residence hotel. The antiques are stunning!"

"It was The Bay View. When the owner died, it came on the market and we needed some housing close to the Hub. We built six apartments but only two are occupied at the moment. Martha and Mickey are in the other one."

Tish ran a hand lovingly across a mahogany side table. "The furnishings are from the Rattigan Academy. When UNIT was done with their ATMOS investigation Torchwood—"

"—appropriated them, yes I see." The Doctor smiled and reached for a spiced prawn. "So, Jack—why don't you show me the famous bay view?"

They went out on the balcony and stood in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of the bay at night. Jack turned and leaned back against the rail. He nodded towards the salon where Donna was laughing and chatting away with Gwen and Rhys. "So. You and Donna." He took a sip of his gin and tonic and the Doctor sipped at his brandy. "Have to say, you seem happy. Happier than I've ever seen you."

The Doctor smiled. "Oh, I am that. Luckiest man in the Universe." He looked pointedly at the Captain. "She's everything to me. Everything." Jack nodded and watched the bubbles fizz around his glass. The Doctor looked away and took another sip of brandy, letting it roll around his mouth before swallowing. "Jack…I've never thanked you."

"Hmm? What for?"

"Oh, you know—saving me, saving the Earth, saving the Universe." The Doctor chuckled softly and as Jack joined in the Doctor caught his eye and his expression darkened. "Malcassairo. The Valiant." He took in a breath, and let it out slowly. "The Master."

Jack shrugged and looked away again. "'S'okay."

"No it's not. It's not okay, not remotely okay. I'm sorry, Jack. Truly I am." Their eyes met again and this time Jack saw what he needed to see: the truth. He nodded, slowly, and they shared a small smile.

The Doctor turned and gestured to Donovan, who had been cornered by Rhys. Rhys was enumerating the merits of rugby over cricket, and Donovan heatedly disagreed. "He can't see the timelines, you know. He can only see you for what you really are."

"Which is?"

"A man worthy of respect, and love." The Doctor gave Jack's shoulder a squeeze. "He looks at you, Jack, and he sees someone who is very, very right." The Time Lord headed back into the flat. Jack turned and leaned on the balcony rail, gazing out over the bay. He took another long draught of his gin and tonic, and smiled.

*** *** ***

Donovan walked across the Plass with the Doctor and Donna, anxious for them to be on their way. They had said their goodbyes and it was time for them to move on. It was time for him to move on as well, and put Jack out of his mind. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to put him out of his heart. They had almost reached the TARDIS when they heard Jack calling after them. He was running to catch up, and they stopped.

"I'm glad I caught you!" Jack paused to catch his breath. "I was going over the schematics and an error came up in the analogue coding."

The Doctor and Donna exchanged a look and Donna frowned. "That could be a fatal error, Jack. Someone will need to review the whole interface."

"Exactly!" the Doctor chimed in. "In fact, if there's a fundamental program error it could be catastrophic!"

"See that's the thing—I think we can isolate the wrong sequence ourselves, but I'd feel a lot better if one of you were here. In fact…" Jack looked at Donovan and his voice softened. "I was hoping you could stay until we finished the project."

Donovan thought he saw something in the other man's eyes that he hadn't seen before in his short life as a human. Everyone else saw him as a reflection of the Doctor, but he had the feeling that Jack could now see him clearly as an individual—as Donovan Noble. He took a leap of faith. "All right, Jack. I'll stay."

The Captain smiled, and behind the two men the Doctor and Donna nudged each other. Their little sabotage had done the trick! Their brother and their friend now had a chance to strip away the last of the reflections and misconceptions and see each other clearly. They only hoped each liked what they saw.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack's feelings for Donovan grow, but can their budding relationship survive a run-in with a vengeful enemy from Jack's past?

Donovan stood at the TARDIS door, a large duffle bag at his feet. He felt like an eight-year-old being sent off to boarding school. He knew the Doctor meant well, but how much of this was he expected to take? It seemed like the Time Lord had been babbling for an eternity…

"Now, this mobile already has universal roaming, you can reach us anywhere and anywhen. I've also programmed it with Wilf and Sylvia's number in case you find yourself lost in Chiswick—although I don't know why you would—and Martha's and Jack's numbers as well in case you're lost in Cardiff. In case you get hungry you've got the numbers for Jubilee Pizza and Watanabe's Sushi Palace. Oh, and that nice little sweet shop we passed on the High Street that has those little cakes with the edible ball bearings!"

Donovan had half expected the Doctor's respiratory bypass to kick in! Instead he merely produced a brown leather wallet from his jacket pocket, took a deep breath, and continued.

"Now in here is a credit card—don't worry, there's no limit, although I don't suppose you'll have much time for binge shopping—and you can use it at a Cashpoint as well, you'll need some local currency. In this section is a TARDIS key in case we need to execute Emergency Protocol One. And in this section--" The Doctor unzipped a small pocket exposing several small, foil wrapped packets. "--are some condoms. Your body is predominantly human after all, so you'll need to practice safe sex. If you have sex. You might not."

Donovan had had quite enough. "Oh, for the love of Omega, will you—"

"Did you just roll your eyes at me? You did, you rolled your eyes at me!"

"Yes. I did. And now I'm leaving." He had just picked up his bag when Donna breezed into the console room carrying a satchel.

"Don't you dare leave without saying good bye! And I've packed a few things for you."

Donovan hefted the duffle bag. "But I've already—"

Donna shoved the satchel at him and he clutched it to his chest with one hand. "I put some tinned pears in there, and a toilet roll. Oh, and a spare toothbrush in case you have…you know…a guest." Donovan rolled his eyes again, earning a smirk from the Doctor and a scowl from Donna. "There are two of those Poldark novels you like. And some condoms—a variety pack. It comes with a phial of lube, I think it's kiwi flavored."

The Doctor snorted--causing Donovan to blush and wish he could sink into the grating-- before raising an eyebrow at Donna. "Variety pack?"

"Oh, you know—assorted sizes, textures, different colors, glow in the dark."

"Textures? What sorts of textures? And why the hell are you such an expert on condoms anyway?"

"Oh. My. God. You sound just like my mother!"

"You take that back!"

Donovan was out the door and half way across the Plass before the Doctor and Donna stopped squabbling long enough to notice he was gone.

*** *** ***

Jack and Donovan quickly found the aberrant sequence for the analogue coding and reprogrammed it into the genome interface. Once that was sorted Martha, assisted by Tish, loaded the genomes into the transmat. Ianto and Mickey began wiring the receivers in the cell block, and Gwen prepared imaging and linguistic references for the new multi-species data base. The Hub settled into a comfortable routine.

Donovan unpacked his things and bought some sundries for the flat he'd been given at the Bay View before initiating the configuration of the remote retrieval devices with Jack. They partnered comfortably together, and the tension of the previous week dissipated as their work progressed. Jack in particular seemed more at ease and he found that his appreciation for not only Donovan's physical attributes but his distinct personality grew with each passing day. 

On the fifth day Donovan rose early and walked over to the Starbucks at Mermaid Quay. He was sat outside sipping his Café Americano and savoring a breakfast wrap when a familiar long-coated figured approached and sat next to him, his own cup of coffee in hand.

"So! I see I'm not the only one who sneaks coffee behind Ianto's back!" Jack chortled. "I won't tell if you don’t!"

Donovan took a long sip and eyed the other man. "You'd never tell and neither would I—it would hurt Ianto's feelings." He tore a generous half from his wrap and handed it to Jack.

"Yeah" Jack replied. "He is magic with tea, but sometimes only the bean will do." Jack took a bite of the wrap. "Mm—thanks. So tell me, how close are we to testing the transmat? All of the genomes are loaded, and the receivers are installed."

"Well, Mickey brought up an interesting point—if we're targeting a specific species we'll transport the living being only. Which is good, we don't want any weapons coming with them--and who cares if they land in the cell naked, right?"

Jack snorted. "Depends on the species!"

"Hah! I'll say—ever see a naked Chelonian?" He shuddered, "But the same would apply to us if we're brought back remotely using our individual genotypes, and that could pose a problem."

Jack leered openly at him, and slowly licked a glob of dressing which had escaped from his wrap. "Oh, I don't know. Could be kinda fun!"

Donovan's mouth suddenly felt dry and he took another sip of coffee. "Liquid courage" he thought, and leaned a little closer. "Under the right circumstances—oh, yes." He smirked at Jack's bemused expression. "However, in the interests of modesty--and the outside chance we'd need our weapons upon arrival in the Hub—I think we should add a radial wave. Eight centimeters should do it."

"And how do you propose to do that?"

"Oh, we could…" Donovan suddenly couldn't resist teasing the Captain a bit. "We could reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!"

Jack frowned. "But wouldn't that…? Hang on, isn't that…?" He caught the twinkle in Donovan's eyes and pulled a face. "You're pulling my leg!"

"In your dreams, Harkness!" Donovan snorted, and drained his cup.

"In my dreams it's not my leg!" he retorted with a cheeky grin. After a moment Jack's expression softened. The two men's eyes met, and Donovan was sure he saw the same look in Jack's eyes that he'd seen on the Plass. They leaned in slowly towards each other and Jack reached out to cup Donovan's cheek—and kissed him. Compared to their last encounter, full of false need and reflected desire, it was a tender, gentle kiss—almost chaste. Yet for Donovan it held more promise than he had ever dreamed.

*** *** ***  
Three days later the transmat system was ready for testing. The Torchwood team had noticed the growing closeness between Jack and Donovan, and to a man thought them perfectly suited to each other. Jack had not made any other physical overtures, but Donovan sensed an increase in the powerful pheromones the time agent was emitting, and felt his own desire growing as well. It was the growing emotional connection that pleased him the most, however, as they got to know each other on a more personal level.

They talked about anything and everything--except the Year That Never Was. Jack knew that Donovan shared the Doctor’s memories of that terrible time, but he and the Time Lord had made their uneasy peace about it and nothing could be gained by revisiting that particular version of the past. For Donovan’s part, he appreciated that Jack was treading carefully. For his own sake as well as Jack's he wanted the other man to be sure he had left his unrequited love for the Doctor behind.

Ianto had just come 'round offering tea—eliciting a fit of giggles from both Jack and Donovan as they hid their takeaway coffees in a drawer —when Gwen's voice came over the comm announcing that the Rift was active. As everyone gathered in the transmat room and took their stations there was an atmosphere of excitement and anticipation.

"We've got a life form!" Gwen exclaimed. "I'm sending the data now, Martha."

"Got it!" Martha loaded the data into the interface and nodded at Tish, who activated the transmat sensor.

"It's a Blowfish!" Tish verified the data and looked over at Jack. "Your call, Captain."

"Cell six" Jack said. He gestured to Mickey and Donovan. "You two—get down there. And arm yourselves, just in case." He noted Donovan's expression; it was obvious he had inherited the Doctor's reluctance to carry a weapon. "Please, Van." With a nod Donovan followed Mickey out the door. Jack looked back over to Martha. "Activate."

The Sontaran machine whirred and hummed until at last a long, low beep signaled the end of the transport. Gwen checked her computer. "It worked! Wait—Jack, something's in the cell, but...I'm not picking up any vitals."

They rushed to the cell block. Mickey looked grim, and Donovan looked positively sick. They stood aside as the rest of the team approached. "Oh, my God!" Tish gasped and quickly turned away. Lying on the floor of the cell was the remains of a small Blowfish—or rather a grotesque version of a Blowfish. Its fins and limbs were mangled and its internal organs protruded from what should have been its mouth.

Martha overcame her initial revulsion quickly and turned to Jack. "We’ll need to bring it to the med bay so I can do an autopsy and run a DNA scan. Until we figure out exactly what went wrong the program should be shut down.”

"Yes Ma'am" he answered with a salute. Ianto procured a gurney and they lifted the dead creature onto it. The team dispersed, and Jack walked over to where Donovan was standing with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his eyes downcast. Jack squeezed his shoulder. "You okay?”

"Yeah, it's just...he was only a child, Jack. A lost child. Probably terrified, and now..."

"He was an adolescent, but still—point taken." Donovan raised his head and his eyes were huge and dark, and filled with regret. Jack thought he could fall into those liquid brown pools and spend his eternity there.

“I should have found a problem. I should have known there was an unknown variable in the programming. He would have—“Jack raised a finger and gently placed it against Van’s mouth, effectively silencing him.

“Shh. Hush.” He enveloped Van in a comforting hug and the other man sighed into his embrace. Jack rubbed soft circles on Van’s back until he felt him relax a little. "Torchwood rule number one: shit happens, and then we move on."

"What's rule number two?" Donovan mumbled into Jack's shoulder.

Jack stroked the hair at Van's nape. "Before moving on, seek comfort in the arms of a dashing and incredibly handsome time agent." Donovan lifted his head from Jack's shoulder. When he spoke his voice was husky.

"And rule three?"

Jack leaned in close, his breath mingling with the other man's as he spoke. "When you find yourself in the arms of a dashing and incredibly handsome time agent..." He leaned in further and just before their lips met he whispered "...let him snog you senseless." Jack ghosted soft kisses across Donovan's mouth, cheek, and forehead before returning to his mouth. They kissed tenderly at first, but the kisses became more passionate as they opened their mouths to each other. Their tongues dueled, and stroked, and probed. Jack tasted a hint of that peculiar mix of sage and cinnamon that was unique to the Doctor’s race and yet there was an undercurrent of something that was uniquely Donovan.

For his part Donovan responded eagerly, moaning as the kisses deepened. His knees felt weak and heat pooled low in his belly. At last he broke away, and rested his forehead against Jack's as they both caught their breath.

"Rule number three," he murmured, "is a very, very good rule!"

*** *** ***

It took only a few hours for Martha to perform a post-mortem on the young Blowfish and compare his DNA pattern with the norm for his species. Whilst she toiled in the med bay Jack and Donovan fitted the personal transmat remotes to wristbands and issued them to the appropriate personnel. As Jack strapped his own above his vortex manipulator a thought occurred to him and he approached Donovan.

"Just a thought—what if the Hub is empty? Doesn't happen often, but if we're all away how could any of us be transported back if we need to be?"

"There's a fail-secure lock on the transmat. If a remote—any remote—is active, the transmat is locked on until it's manually shut down by someone in the Hub with the proper security codes. You'll need to decide what the codes are and who will have them."

"Works for me!" Martha's entrance caught their attention and the two men approached her, eager for news. "What'd you find?"

"Rift energy." She handed Donovan a printed readout and as he scanned it she explained the test results to Jack. "There's an aura of residual Rift energy surrounding anything that comes through—a cloud of energy if you like. Normally it's a non-issue and it dissipates quickly, but I found anomalies in the Blowfish's amino acid sequences that aligned perfectly with Rift energy wave patterns."

Donovan looked up from the printout. "It caused instantaneous mutations when the Blowfish was re-assembled." Martha nodded in agreement.

"So what do we do about it?" Jack asked.

"The energy has a short half-life. We just need to monitor a traveler from the minute they arrive and determine the amount of time it takes for the energy cloud to disappear. It should be safe to transport after that time frame has elapsed." She handed Jack a monitoring device. "This monitor has a long-range sensor so you shouldn't need to get closer than twenty feet. Gwen's detected some spikes. The Rift could be getting ready to open again."

"Well then..." Jack grinned at Donovan and clapped him on the shoulder. "Let's go!"

*** *** ***

Jack and Donovan headed across the Plass, each wearing sidearms at Jack's insistence. They sat on packing crates in an alley near the Rift and chatted amiably until at last Gwen's voice came through their earpieces, informing them of an imminent opening. They emerged from the alley and cautiously circled back closer to the Rift. As they approached a crackling sound filled the air around them, signaling the opening of the extratemporal fissure. Jack turned on the monitor, his thumb hovering over the sensor switch as he whispered into his microphone. "Gwen! What have you got?"

"It's open, Jack—ten meters east of your location."

He gestured to Van and the two men jogged east, reaching the edge of the Rift opening just as an adult Blowfish came through. The creature staggered, groggy and disorientated. Jack quickly flipped the sensor switch. "We've got another Blowfish, Gwen. The sensor's on."

Gwen's voice was tense as she replied. "The other end of the wormhole must be in a stationary field—be careful, there may be more coming through."

"Will do." Jack gestured to a lorry parked at the edge of the Plass. "Get behind that and keep a lookout. If anything happens—anything--use your remote and get the hell out of here."

Van nodded and ran to the lorry, taking up his position on the other side. Jack looked after him to make sure he was safely behind the lorry before approaching the Blowfish, who had gotten unsteadily to his feet with his back to the Captain. As Jack drew near the creature spun, leveling a hand blaster at him too quickly for him to draw his own weapon. He stared at the alien's face.

"Kerko! We meet again. I thought you had died."

"You thought wrong" the Piscene gurgled. "Now what have you done with my nephew? I saw him disappear on our side and I waited for an opportunity to follow." Kerko shrugged. "I don't want any trouble, Captain. I know you monitor these things. I just want to take the child home. Now where is he?"

"He's dead. I'm sorry, it was an accident."

From his place behind the lorry Donovan couldn't see the blaster aimed point blank at Jack, but he heard the conversation through his earpiece and knew that Jack could be in danger now that the creature had learned the truth. He slowly edged away from the lorry and made his way towards the two men, keeping out of their line of vision. Donovan cursed under his breath and drew even closer to them. It was obvious that the Blowfish was now seething with rage.

Kerko had steadily advanced on the time agent until he stood less than half a meter away from him. "Sorry? I don't believe that for a minute, Captain. You killed my brother, and now you've killed his son. For that you're going to die."

Donovan was close enough now that he could see the weapon held inches from Jack's chest. "Gwen!" Donovan whispered frantically into his microphone. "Get Jack out of here. Now!"

"We can't—the Blowfish is too close and his energy cloud hasn't fully dissipated. It's enfolding Jack. If we transport either one of them now their DNA could not only mutate, it could combine! We only need a few more seconds."

"He'll be dead in a few seconds!"

Gwen's voice was calm and steady. "Van, it's okay, Jack will ressurect. Don't put yourself in danger. You're far enough away—just stay where you are and we'll bring you back now."

A growled "No!" was his reply to her as he picked up his pace.

Okay? Van thought. It's never okay. He thought to draw his weapon, but from his position he would have more likely hit Jack than the Blowfish. When he heard the whine of the Piscene's blaster powering up he made his decision—and ran.

Kerko never saw him coming, but Jack had heard the conversation with Gwen through his earpiece. When he saw movement out of the corner of his eye he knew it was Van. Donovan reached them just as Kerko moved his finger to the trigger, and lunged between them just as the trigger was squeezed.

At the last minute Jack grabbed Donovan and spun them both around. The force of the blaster hitting Jack in the back of the head almost knocked them over and Donovan struggled to hold on to the Captain as he fought to regain his footing. The last thing Donovan saw before they were engulfed in a blinding white light was the torment in Jack's eyes as his face began to burn.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a violent episode and a dramatic confrontation, Donovan and Jack declare their true feelings for each other and find comfort in each others arms. Can they remain together or will their duty to others separate them?

Donovan closed his eyes to the blinding white light and clung tightly to Jack. Within moments they materialized in the room that had been equipped for Torchwood team retrieval. Staggering under Jack’s dead weight, Donovan tried to maintain his footing but there was something slippery and slick on the floor and he lost his balance. He fell heavily, bringing Jack down on top of him. He felt something wet begin to seep into his clothes and as he struggled to roll Jack off of him he saw the spreading pool of urine and feces that had been released at death, saturating both Jack and himself. The stench, mixed with the smell of burnt flesh and singed hair, was overpowering.

Van knelt beside the time agent. The flesh of Jack's face hung in blackened shreds. His lips had burned and retracted in a rictus of death, exposing the maxilla, and teeth that had exploded from the heat of the blaster. His once-sparkling blue eyes had melted in their sockets and a gaping hole in his cranium revealed brain matter that had boiled in the cerebrospinal fluid which had once protected it. 

Donovan's gorge rose, and he fought the urge to vomit. His nausea was quickly replaced by a surge of anger towards the murderous Blowfish. That bastard. That fucking bastard he thought. He could only imagine the agony Jack must have endured in the moments before death and an unfamiliar emotion rose inside of him. He had only the Doctor’s memories of absolute rage. The fury of the Time Lord, directed at Daleks and the Family, and--in his darkest hours--against the futility of hope. In his short existence he had never experienced it himself. He stood and looked down at the body of the man he loved. Donovan knew rage intimately now. It didn't matter that Jack would come back. Kerko had murdered him in cold blood, and had caused him immeasurable suffering. The Blowfish would get no second chance.

Martha, Mickey and Ianto burst into the room and rushed to Jack's side, gasping at what they saw. Martha turned to Donovan. "Are you all right? Were you injured?" He didn’t speak, just slowly shook his head. She noted his expression and spoke softly as she took his hand. "It won't be long, Van. He'll be back." He continued to stare at Jack's body in stony silence.

An overhead speaker buzzed and Gwen's voice echoed in the room. "We've retrieved the Blowfish, Martha. He's in cell three. Vitals seem normal but someone should check his condition."

Martha squeezed Donovan's hand. "We'll take care of things here. You need to go home now and get cleaned up. Just drop your gun at the armory first."

Without a word Donovan withdrew his hand from Martha's, and walked out of the room. He crossed through the med bay and up the stairs, turning left towards the corridor that led to the tunnels. He passed the armory and headed for the second tunnel on the right. After entering the pass code he rested his thumb on the print analyzer and the massive steel door swung open. He quickly walked through and made his way to the cell block.

*** *** ***

Three minutes after Van had left the room Jack resurrected with a gasp and felt a moment of disorientation before he focused on the faces of the people gathered around him. Ianto squeezed his shoulder. "It's all right, Jack. You're safe. You were transmatted back to the Hub."

The Captain rubbed a hand over his eyes and sat up. Mickey extended a hand and helped him to his feet. He wobbled for a moment and looked down at his filthy clothing. He chuckled bitterly. "Eau de poo. Always a favorite." He looked around, suddenly on the verge of panic. "Donovan! Where is he--is he hurt?"

"He's fine." Martha answered. "I sent him home, he needed to wash up and change."

"The Blowfish that killed you was transported in." Mickey said. "I was just about to go check on him. Why don't you go have a drink and a long hot bath?"

Jack shook his head. "No, not yet. You stay here, Mickey. I'd like to check on our guest myself."

*** *** ***

Donovan walked past cell after cell, ignoring the life forms inhabiting them, until at last he reached cell three. Kerko stood naked, laughing as he watched him approach. "Oh look, the conquering hero! Didn't quite turn out as planned, eh, boy?" he gurgled. When he got no reaction he redoubled his efforts. "Handsome Jack isn't quite so handsome now, is he?" He pulled a face. "You stink of his shit."

Donovan stood in front of the cell and glared. He was enraged beyond speech and as Kerko continued his taunts Van reached down and unbuttoned the flap of his holster. Jaw set and breathing heavily he withdrew the gun and leveled it at the Blowfish. Kerko chortled merrily behind the weapon-proof glass.

"No wonder you got your Captain killed, you’re a moron!"

Donovan said nothing as he stepped over to the control panel mounted on the wall beside him, keeping his gun trained on the Piscene. One more code, one more thumbprint and the door to Kerko's cell began to swing open. Kerko stared at the man slowly advancing upon him and backed himself up to the far wall of his cell, limbs raised in supplication. 

"Hey, I was only kidding, see? Just point that thing somewhere else and maybe we can make a deal." He cringed as the human before him brought up his other hand to steady his aim and took another step closer.

"Donovan! Lower your weapon!" Jack's angry shout rang through the cell block as he loped towards the Blowfish's cell. He pulled up short as he saw Donovan's hands begin to shake. Goddess, baby--what the fuck happened to you? he thought. He began walking towards the cell. "Donovan. You don't want to do this."

"Yes I do." Van choked back a sob. Jack walked closer, his voice velvet now, soothing.

"He's helpless. Unarmed." Jack reached Donovan and held out a hand. "If you do this you'll be no better than him. Give me the gun." No response. "Please, give it to me."

Donovan slowly lowered his hands. Jack took the gun from him and stepped back. "Thank you." When he spoke again his voice was harder. Cold. "Now get the hell out of here."

Van looked at the Blowfish still cowering in the corner of his cell. He turned to Jack, mouth working, wanting to say something, anything to explain, to make things right between them--but words wouldn't come. He looked into Jack’s eyes, hoping to see some sort of understanding there along with the anger he surely must be feeling, but he saw none. He unbuckled his holster and handed it over. Jack took it, grim faced, and broke eye contact, focusing on the wall behind him. Donovan backed up, turned and began walking quickly down the tunnel to the exit. As the steel door closed behind him he broke into a run.

Jack turned back to Kerko, who was smirking as he pushed off the wall in the back of the cell and swaggered towards Jack. "You're better off without him. He’s an idiot. When I get out of here—and I will—I’ll put him out of his misery before I come for you." Without a word Jack raised his arm, aimed, and shot the Blowfish between the eyes. Kerko was dead before he hit the floor.

*** *** ***

Donovan raced to the Bay View, barely registering the passers by and traffic. He felt numb. He keyed the entry and threw his keys and wallet on the kitchen counter. Grabbing a bin bag he headed for the bathroom, turned the shower on full hot and stripped, stuffing his clothing into the bag and tying it shut before tossing it out the bathroom window to the alley below.

He stepped into the shower and reached for the bath gel, squirting globs of it into his hair, over his body, onto a flannel, desperate to mask the smell of death and filth that seemed to choke him. He felt as if he could taste it. He opened his mouth and let the water wash over his teeth and into his throat until finally, gagging, he spat it out onto the shower floor. He scrubbed his skin with the flannel until it felt raw and as Donovan worked lather into his hair his frantic movements gradually slowed.

He stood, forehead resting against the tile wall, eyes closed, and let the water rinse his hair and stream down his back. Gradually he allowed himself to feel again. Everything had gone pear shaped, and he had no one to blame but himself. The impact of the day overwhelmed him, and a flash of anger sparked. He raised a fist, pounding it again and again against the tile. Finally, his anger spent, he turned his back to the wall and slid to the floor. He stayed there, sobbing, until the water ran cold.

*** *** ***

He sat at the kitchen table, staring at the bowl of congealed chili he had heated half an hour ago. His growling stomach told him he was hungry, but he had no appetite. He picked at the zipper of the track suit he'd slipped into after his shower and watched the changing shadows on the wall as the sun set. It was hypnotic and at first he didn't hear the knocking. When it became louder and more insistent Donovan shook his head to clear it and headed for the door. When he opened it Jack strode in without waiting for an invitation. He was obviously distraught.

“Do you have any idea—any idea what you almost did?" It was then that Jack noted the other man's red-rimmed eyes and haunted expression. His first instinct was to back off and comfort him—but this needed to be settled, now. "What the hell were you thinking, Donovan?"

Donovan hesitated. He needed Jack to understand. If he was to have a chance at a relationship with the Captain, he had to be honest. "I watched you die today, Jack. I held you and I looked in your eyes and I saw so much pain—just for a second, but it was there. I felt this...this rage inside of me when I saw your body. I saw what that bastard had done to you and I think...I think I went a little mad." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"Payback, revenge--I get it, trust me. I know you could never have pulled that trigger, Donovan. You are not a killer. But that's not why I'm here." He paced a few steps before continuing. "I am so angry with you right now."

"But I don't—"

"You almost got yourself killed!" Jack shouted. "I told you to transport out at the first sign of trouble, and you didn't. Instead you came running in—"

"He was going to murder you!"

"Well guess what? He did." Jack scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "I die, over and over again, Donovan. It's what I do, it's who I am. You don’t have to like it, I sure as hell don’t. But after I die I always come back. It is never worth putting your life on the line for me!”

"Dying is the easy part!" Jack was shocked into silence at his outburst and Donovan continued. "Dying sets you free, because before you die you suffer, and they..." he waved vaguely at the air "... blind themselves to it. They say ‘it’s okay, don’t worry, he’ll come back’ because they can’t bear to think about the truth. It hurts too much. But it's not okay, is it Jack?"

Jack’s anger seemed to ebb a bit. His mouth was set in a grim line and he cast his eyes downward, studying the toes of his boots. "You don't know what you're talking about" he rasped.

“I know exactly what I’m talking about!” Jack’s head shot up and Donovan stepped closer to him, looked him in the eye. “I’ve seen it, through the Doctor’s memories. You suffer, Jack." His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Every time you die, you suffer, and... I love you." He swallowed hard, and his voice was barely a whisper. “I love you so much that just for today I wanted to save you from that."

Jack reached out and cupped Donovan's face. He pressed his lips to the other man’s forehead for a long moment before speaking. "I don't need you to save me. I need you to live." He drew the other man into an embrace. "There are a lot of things in this Universe worth dying for, Van. And there have been times..." he whispered "...oh, Goddess there have been times I've wished I hadn't come back." He pulled back a bit and smiled gently. "You..." he said "... are worth living for. I love you, Donovan Noble. I need to know you'll be there, safe on the other side, and if I know that I can endure anything." His smile faltered, and his voice was thick with emotion as he continued. "Promise me. Please, promise me that if it means saving your life you'll let me go."

Donovan's eyes widened. Could he do what Jack asked of him? Could he stand by and let Jack die to save him if the circumstance arose? His heart swelled with love for the man in his arms. If it gave Jack peace...

"I promise" he whispered. Suddenly Jack's lips were on his, and he melted into a passionate kiss, then another. Jack shed his coat and Donovan was in his arms again. Their tongues dueled and probed, teeth clicking together and hunger fueling the need to touch. Hands groped and stroked, and as they ground against each other Donovan felt himself begin to harden. When at last they paused for air he took Jack by the hand and led him to the bedroom.

They stripped quickly and made their way onto the bed. Fueled by Jack's fifty-first century pheromones the two men pleasured each other as they kissed and licked their way down long necks and taught bellies, nipped firm thighs, and stroked muscled flesh until both men were aching with need. Donovan's lips were kiss-swollen, his eyes dark, pupils blasted with lust. As Jack settled over him he thought he'd never seen anything so beautiful. He rolled his hips, grinding flesh against throbbing flesh until Donovan stilled him with a hand against his chest.

"Jack, please. I want you..." He drew his knees up, reached around and cupped Jack's ass, drawing him even closer. 

"I don't...I don't have anything..." Donovan flung out an arm and pointed at the bedside table.

"Drawer" he croaked. He giggled at Jack's quizzical expression as the Captain tore the wrapping off of the variety pack. "Donna lived in hope."

"Thank her for me" Jack grunted as he positioned himself between Donovan's legs. He used one well-lubricated finger, then two, then three to gently prepare the other man before entering him. He stilled, letting Donovan become accustomed to his girth before he began moving, slowly at first, then with more urgency as they found their rhythm together. Donovan tentatively reached a hand up towards Jack's temple and Jack nodded. As his hand touched the Captain they both moaned as the other's pleasure flooded their senses. It intensified further when Jack reached between them and began stroking Donovan's aching cock in time with his own thrusts.

They came together—each man crying out as wave after wave of exquisite pleasure coursed through them until at last they collapsed in a sweaty, sticky heap. They gentled each other with soft whispers and sweet kisses before Jack rolled off and pulled Donovan into his arms. Within moments they were both asleep.

*** *** ***

They awakened just after dawn and made love again. Neither man had eaten since the previous morning so after they showered and dressed Jack cooked a proper fry-up whilst Donovan made up the bed and checked in with Martha. When he padded barefoot into the kitchen he was frowning. "They've brought two more Blowfish in this morning. Gwen's found a pattern to the Rift's energy spikes and she told Martha to expect another opening."

"Shit" Jack said as he dished up two heaping plates of food. "That means the wormhole is still in a stationary field." He looked at Donovan. "I was hoping we could spend the day here."

"Me too" Donovan sighed wistfully. Oh, well he thought. There's always tonight!

They ate quickly, anxious to get back to the Hub before more Blowfish arrived. Jack went into the bathroom to brush his teeth whilst Donovan sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on his Gibsons. As he bent down to tie them a searing pain raced up the back of his head and he gasped. He closed his eyes, dropped his psychic shielding and reached out to Donna. His suspicions were confirmed—the metacrisis was back, stronger than ever. A second bolt of pain hit before he could put his shields back up and he gave a strangled cry. A wave of dizziness and nausea coursed through him just as Jack came into the room. He moaned as Jack joined him on the bed and held him tightly.

"Donovan? Baby, what is it, what's wrong?" Donovan gripped Jack's hand, unable to speak until he finally succeeded in blocking the sensations coming from his sister. Jack soothed him as his breathing and heart rate slowed, and he leaned into the Captain's embrace.

"It's Donna" he said. He turned his head and looked at Jack, his huge brown eyes infinitely sad. "I have to go."

*** *** ***

The two men walked in silence across the Plass towards the TARDIS. The Doctor stood waiting outside. He looked grim and as they approached he opened the door and held it. Donovan sensed his concern—the metacrisis had affected Donna badly and there was no time for long good byes. Jack handed over the duffle bag and leaned in for a brief kiss before Donovan turned away and walked quickly inside. The Doctor shut the door again and Jack approached him.

"How is she, Doctor?"

"She'll be fine, now that Van is here." He gestured towards the door. "You're welcome to join us, Captain."

"Can't. Stationary wormhole." The Doctor nodded. Duty before pleasure. Jack brightened as a thought occurred to him. "You could stay here, though—park the TARDIS in the Hub?"

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry, Jack. We need to get Donna into the Vortex where she can heal properly." He opened the door and Jack turned away, walking only a few steps before turning back.

"Doctor?" The Time Lord stopped and raised an eyebrow quizzically. "You bring him back to me." The Doctor nodded once and continued inside. Almost immediately the familiar grinding sound began and Jack backed away. After the TARDIS faded from sight he stood for a long moment, staring at the empty space. Finally he turned and jogged across the Plass towards the Hub.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donovan is back in the TARDIS. He and the Doctor have both lost something precious and they vow to help each other find their heart's desire.

**Epilogue**

They had been idling in the Vortex for thirty-six linear hours and Donna had made slow but steady improvement. The Doctor was sat at the galley table nursing a cup of tea and Donovan stood at the counter chopping vegetables for Donna's favorite soup. Neither man spoke, each lost in thought. When Donna walked in, looking pale and small in her dressing gown, they put on their brightest smiles.

"What are you doing up?" Donovan fretted as she snatched a piece of carrot.

"Oh, I was checking the hives." The Doctor had brokered a treaty with the Melissan government, and she had been crushed when they'd had to leave before all of the volunteer bees had been brought on board. "Do you think we can go back tomorrow Doctor? I think they miss their mates!"

The Doctor smiled gently at her. "We'll see, love. Don't want to rush things, do we?"

Donna nodded. "No. I suppose not." She threw an arm around Donovan and grinned. "Need to get this one back to Torchwood, though! Don't want Jack getting lonely!" Despite her jovial tone Donovan could sense her guilt at having brought him back, and he shrugged.

"Nah! No hurry, it was just a fling!  Besides, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, don't they?"

Donna kissed his cheek. She knew he was lying and she loved him all the more for trying to spare her feelings. She walked over to the Doctor and leaned down to kiss his cheek as well. "Think I'll have a lie down. Call me when the soup's on." As she reached the doorway she turned back and pulled a face. "Bloody cramps!" she said, and left.

The Doctor returned to staring into his tea cup and Donovan felt a wave of emotion coming from him. Concern, yes, but something more, something darker. Grief. He went to the table and as he sat he reached out and took one of the Doctor's hands.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

The Doctor looked up and shrugged. "She was late—only a few days, less than a week. She thought it was just the Time Vortex disrupting her cycle, but I could taste the pregnancy hormones when I kissed her." He squeezed Donovan's hand tightly and his eyes clouded over. "I didn't tell her. I wanted to let her figure it out for herself. I thought it would make her so happy to tell me..." His voice broke. "The metacrisis..."

Donovan was heartsick. "I should never have left her."

"No!" The Doctor clasped his other hand over Donovan's and looked him in the eye. "Don't you dare, this is not your fault! The metacrisis only accelerated the cellular mutations." He swallowed hard and sank back into his chair. "It would have happened anyway."

"Does she know?"

"She suspects. When she's ready to ask me about it, she will."

"We'll find a way. I promise you, Doctor—you and I together, we'll find a way." He stood and briefly embraced his brother, kissing him on the top of the head before returning to his task.

The Doctor watched Donovan as he meticulously chopped the vegetables. He thought of how much joy Donna had brought into his life, and how empty he would feel without her by his side. No matter how brief her life might be compared to that of a Time Lord, his own was immeasurably better for having her in it. He felt a strong surge of love for his brother as he realized Donovan would always put Donna's welfare before his own—even if it meant denying his own chance at love and happiness.

"Do you love him?"

Donovan turned and leaned against the counter. He smiled crookedly at the Doctor and willed his eyes not to fill with tears. "With all of my single, human heart."

The Doctor stood, walked over to him and smiled. "We'll find a way. I promise." They embraced each other and the Doctor whispered into the other man's ear. "You and I—together."

The Time Lord and his human brother stood enfolded in each others arms as they opened their minds, each seeking to provide solace for the other. Slowly the waves of grief and regret, of fear and sadness eased as one bright and shining emotion rose above the rest.

_Hope._


End file.
